Masturbation
2004-07-06

That particular night I planned to just sit back and relax. I had abottleof wine and it was warm enough I could have left all my clothes offif Iwished. I ended up in an old t-shirt. I might as well have been nakedthough,because when I sat down in my easy chair and lay one leg over thearm, myshirt pulled up almost to my waist, exposing everything it shouldhave covered. Little did I expect that by the end of the night the shirt would notbe allI would take off. My older brother Luke has always been close to me and we share witheach otherthose things of our own we think the other needs or would enjoy. Sometimesit's eerie the way we know what is on the other's mind. He must haveknown Iwas going to be alone that night because he had dropped off a VHStape with anote to call him in the morning to let him know my reaction. I had enjoyed x-rated movies before, some with Luke. The first timehe broughtone over, I couldn't believe my eyes. By the time we finishedwatching themovie my mouth was so dry I could hardly swallow, but my pussy was sowet I'msure my dress was damp where it had fallen between my legs. I'm alsosure Lukeknew what I had on my mind. He brought over others for me after thatand Ialways looked forward to each new movie. I loved to watch the guysfuckingand licking the girls in the films and I especially liked to pretendit was onmy stomach or on my tits their semen spilled. I dreamed of rubbing itinto myskin, my pubic hair, my pussy lips and then sucking my fingers untiltheirwetness was licked away. But I hadn't watched one in months.

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   So Iespeciallylooked forward to an evening of fantasy as I took Luke's movie out ofit'scontainer and slipped it into the recorder. The film I put in the player that night, however, was not what Ianticipated. This one did not have guys. It was only about girls. It might have been the wine. It might have been the dim light. Or itmight havejust been my mood. In any case, as I watched the movie, I graduallyrealized mybreathing had become shallow and I could almost feel my heart beatbeneath mybreast. As the women touched each other and kissed each other andrubbed theirbreasts against each other, I became aware of a part of myself onlyhinted atbefore. I found myself wishing I was with them. That it was my skinbeingstroked; my lips being kissed. My face became hot and flushed. Ilooked over myshoulder as though to see if anyone was there, watching, reading mythoughts.

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My shirt became moist with perspiration and as its cloth touched mynipplesthey became so sensitive I found my hand moving beneath the cloth,cupping thesoft underside of my breast, my fingers gently squeezing each to makesure thefeeling I was experiencing was really coming from me. Then two of the girls in the movie moved to the shower, began bathingeachother and as they rubbed the soap on the others bodies I became awareof myother hand slipping between my own legs, pressing hard against myself,trying to hold in the response that was beginning to rise within mybody.

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   Aftersoaping thoroughly they began to shave each others pubic hair. Whentheyfinished, they moved to the bedroom to continue their embraces. As Iwatchedtheir lovemaking and gazed upon their newly shaved pink pussies, Iexperiencedmy first orgasm. I found my hand drenched with my own wetness. Mybreasts achedas I pressed harder against them with my hand and arm. And when Ifinished Iknew what I wanted, at that moment, more than anything else; and Iknew theevening would not be completed until I had been satisfied. I rewound the tape to the beginning of the shower scene, turned theTV andrecorder off and moved to my own bathroom. I lit some candles, savedin thebathroom for special nights, turned off all the other lights andfilled thetub with water, scenting it with a soothing bath oil Luke had givenme. Thet-shirt came off as I slipped into the warm water and felt its gentlecaress. As I lay in the water remembering the scenes of the shower andrecalling thevision of the newly bared mons and lips, my body took on a newsensitivity. Each nerve seemed more alive than ever. The soap became a lover as itused myown hand to stroke my body. Soon my attention was turned to my ownpubic hair. I have never had very much and what is there is sparse and soft. Because ofthe blond color, it seems almost invisible.

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   But that would not beenough. Iknew every hair must be removed. The soap was applied and as therazor glidedacross my skin, the threatened sharpness brought a new awarenesswithin thedelicate tissue. Sensuality was joined by a veiled perception offear. Startingat the top and then moving down and back, I paid special attention tothe smallfine hairs around my clitoris and between the lips. The area belowthe vaginaand around my ass was also shaved. When finished, I lay back in thewater, myeyes closed, and ran my fingers across the now smoothed pussyconfirming thatindeed all its hair was gone. I'm not sure how long I remained there, but finally I moved to thebedroom andtoweled myself dry. A softly perfumed lotion was obtained from thedresser andI returned to the TV room, this time without the t-shirt. A record ofgentlemusic was selected and placed on the player. The TV and video werestarted butwithout sound as I realized the only words I wanted to hear would bemy ownthoughts. As the scenes repeated, I applied the lotion. First acrossmy chestand then cupping each breast with one hand, I began to stroke theuppersensitive skin with the other, moving closer with each caress to theareola andnipple. As my finger applied just a drop of the lotion to thesurrounding pinkareas, my nipples and the small papilla around them began to projectout.

Butthey were not hard.

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   Instead they had taken on a softness andsensitivity I hadnot experienced before. I had to stop. As the women on the screenmade love toeach other I realized the only way I could join them would be withinmy mindand the TV images had become a barrier instead of a door tofulfilling myfantasy. I turned everything off and returned to the bedroom. Laying on thebed, in thedarkness, I became aware of my body in a new way; almost as though ithad anexistence of its own. My hand returned to my breasts and I found themeven moresensitive than before. I grasped the nipples between my fingers,gently pullingand twisting. A breath of warm air blew across my naked body. A softacheentered my pelvis. My hand move down my abdomen. Slowly the tips ofmy fingersbegan to brush across the newly shaved mons. A moan escaped from me. It waslike a voice from another area of my mind, an echo from anotherexistence. Icontinued down to my labia, along the sides and then between. But nowI didn'tneed a lotion.

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   The juice from my pussy was flooding and as I caressedmy newlysmoothed softness I found there was nothing to compare with my ownsilky cream. My fingers found their way to my mouth allowing my tongue to tasteand lick thepassion from their tips. As they returned to my pussy, I felt astrange andfreighting feeling begin to rise within my body. The palm of my handpressedagainst my clitoris as my fingers slipped between my lips and intothe depthsof my vagina. I began to massage the soft ridges within me. My legscame backas the other hand sought my now swollen lips and clitoris. My strokes began slowly, but soon the difference between slow andfast becamemeaningless as I began to lose control. The feeling within my pelvishad takenover. My heart ached from its pounding and I had to gasp for airbecauseI forgot to breathe. Two, three, then four of my fingers found theirway intomy pussy as it pleaded for more. Perspiration covered me. A muskyodor mixedwith the smell of perfume and my own body became a stimulant to mysenses as mymind exploded with sensations. Then, within me, I felt the innerridges of myvagina smoothed out and open as though expecting a gift. At the sametime, theouter area tightened and began to spasm with urgency and ecstasy,trying toprevent any escape. I heard a scream and realized it was my own.

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  Juices pouredfrom me as I began to rub and spread them over my body, my breasts,my arms, myface. I put some on my nipples, pushed my breast towards my mouth andused mytongue to lick it off. My hands caressed every part of my body. I wasinsanewith a rapture of sexuality. My orgasm had taken complete control ofmy mindand body. I was its prisoner, it was my lover and I responded in anyway itdemanded. I can't tell you how long this went on but slowly the fog ofsensuality wasreplaced with an overwhelming need for sleep. As I fell into a deepsleep, Ithought of Luke and how I was going to explain my response to hismovie. I alsowondered if there was anyone else I could share it with. .